Back in November/December last year, I used to write a daily journal recording anything that happens throughout the day. Most days I pretty much just wrote about what happened in class and what I thought about it at the time, but there were a couple significant events that occurred that kept things interesting. I don’t do this anymore and am only sticking to this weekly journal blog (which is much easier to manage and put together), but there’s one instance in particular where I couldn’t really explain what happened…it just, happened.
I recently got a new laptop that is essentially going to be my “work” laptop: for schoolwork, writing, and blogging only. My currently laptop’s just going to be used for gaming and goofing off, since it’s a lot bulkier (17″ compared to my new 14″). I was going through what I wanted to transfer over to my new laptop and I got to these journal entries. Basically, I kept any entries that I thought were relevant to what I’ve been struggling with lately.
Then I got to my entry for November 22, 2014, about a week after I got a crush on Ben and trying to figure out why I felt this way towards him. (I will admit, I still have a little crush on him……crap, now I’m starting to think about him as I’m writing this……blushing kinda hard right now…)
Anyway, here’s what happened; I’ve never had this happen before, but I felt very comforted after it all happened. I’m very thankful that I recorded this and decided to keep it, it’s something I’ve been needing to hear lately:
But as I was about to fall asleep, something weird happened. I heard someone…talking to me…directly. It sounded comforting and reassuring, and it definitely wasn’t my own mind making “scripts” up like it tends to do; it felt…genuine. I don’t know if that was God himself talking to me or not, especially because it was direct; he’s not the most direct speaker, from what I’ve heard from others. Actually, I take that back, it was him, I’m sure of it.
So what did he say? Well, it was along the lines of, “I know you want to love others, and you are doing that. Yes, you have screwed up and made some bad decisions that I’m not proud of you doing, but you are trying, and I still love you just the same. I don’t want to worry if being bisexual’s right or wrong; what matters most is that you’re trying to be there for Ben and help him with his struggles. You have the capacity to love and care about others, and I know you want to see them as my creation and my children.” (I started tearing up writing the second sentence of what he said).
I don’t think I’ve ever had an experience like this before.
The voice of God is loudest in the quietest of moments.