This hasn’t been the greatest week for me, and you might guess why if you’ve looked at the tags and other reasons. But that’s not to say there hasn’t been some high points as well.
I’m getting that much closer to being a Biology major today. As far as I know, all I need is the Biology department chair’s signature and wait for a confirmation email about this and who my new adviser is.
Since I’m this close to changing my major, I went ahead and registered for classes next semester, but chose ones required for my Biology major and Creative Writing minor. Thankfully, I managed to fit Fiction Writing among these courses, and it’ll be my only class that meets Tuesdays and Thursdays (though I will have my Unity of Life lab on Thursday mornings and there’s a 2hr. exam block for Gen Chem I in the evenings). Even though it looks like my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays will be busy, as I have three classes in a row, Unity, Elementary Statistics, and Gen Chem I, I’ll be done by noon. The only exception would be Wednesdays because of my Gen Chem I lab in the afternoon. I don’t know how much my work schedule will affect this, but I’m finding the library’s a better place to work at anyway.
Here in Platteville, there’s this large hill with a giant, white “M” on it simply known as…well the M. You can read all about it and UW-Platteville here. This is where me and Ben hung out at with a couple other peeps. Unfortunately, I forgot to bring my camera with, so there aren’t any pictures of it.
It was really windy all day today, and being on this high of a hill made it worse. There were a couple times Ben’s hat was blown off, I managed to keep mine on thankfully. All of us were going to have a picnic up here, but, obviously, the wind didn’t let up all day.
Up to this point, my day has been going pretty good, though a bit busy too. Then I find out that one of my uncles passed away suddenly this afternoon on Facebook.
I first read something from one aunt, not married to this uncle but is like my grandma on my dad’s side, who, I’m guessing, heard about it first because she likes to try and keep in touch with everyone as best as possible, and her and her sister, deceased uncle’s wife, are very close in both age and sisterly relationship. Then I kept seeing the same message over and over from different family members on Facebook, and I even contributed my own.
Generally, I’m not too affected by an extended family member’s passing because it’s usually someone who I’ve only interacted with once or twice or hardly see them. However, this one hit a bit too close for me because he was my grandma aunt’s brother-in-law; I’m quite close to here and so would he. Even though I didn’t see him too much, it wasn’t a rare occurrence. He didn’t show up to too many family gatherings, but when he did, everyone liked having him around.
Of course, because I do this, I started over thinking and speculating about something similar happening with my mom: I’ll first hear about it on Facebook while at college, and I won’t really be able to do anything about it until the end of the semester or something. Even when I did get back, I honestly wouldn’t know what to do or where to go; I’m not in the best position for this to happen right now, but I know life isn’t convenient. Again, this is just me over speculating after hearing about my uncle.
I texted my mom what happened and then sometime later she calls me and gives me the context of the situation. I will not go into detail because this is a very personal matter, but basically…everything’s a big fucking mess.
I wished my day wouldn’t have ended on this sad note; now it’s going to be a while until I stop thinking about everything that happened.
Honestly, I’m just glad the rest of my week has been uneventful after everything blew up Monday. Apparently the funeral for my uncle’s tomorrow which, of course, I won’t be able to make it to.On a lighter note, I was talking with my Canadian moose friend, Pordz, and asked him if he wouldn’t mind trying at least voice chat over Skype (or video chat if he wants to). He liked the idea and, coincidentally, was thinking the same thing! I don’t know when or how we’ll do this, mostly because where I’m at in my dorm, it’s not exactly the most private and I want to say he has his own apartment or at least has a room of an apartment he shares with other people. That or they just call dorm rooms apartments up in Canada.
Anyway, I’m a bit nervous, though excited about this partially because it’s the first time I’ve done this with someone I’ve met only online on my own. I will admit though…I’m starting to like him a little……oooh boy.
Sometimes I wonder why I fall for someone so easily.
I answered a question my friend Josh asked me a while back that’s along the lines of, “What do I want?” regarding me questioning my orientation; it was between being straight or being bisexual (or not straight). This is also setting aside my own and other’s emotional reactions to whatever I decide, but not disregarding them.
I told him I’m leaning towards being bisexual because, simply put, I would be ok in a relationship with either a guy or or a girl. I would be fine having it be just me and my partner and us living our lives together as one, and I honestly don’t want kids.
I’m in no way against kids in general, however; I’m sure they truly can be a blessing, whether if they are biologically my own or not. I simply don’t want to have anyone else permanently affected because of my poor decisions and how I approach life, similarly with how it is with me and my mom. Maybe this makes me a coward, maybe it doesn’t, maybe in a way this makes me selfish. Bottom line, whatever the reason, I just don’t want kids.
This doesn’t mean I choose to be celibate for the rest of my life; I’m waiting for whoever God puts me in my life to marry, regardless if they are a guy or girl. God tends to work in funny ways, so I’m gonna try and roll with whatever He’s got coming for me.
Saturday & Sunday
Saturday night ended up being unintentionally busy for me.
A few friends and I went to a local bar & grill restaurant called Cold Fusion for dinner. They had a variety of food to choose from, but I decided to keep it simple: 3 BBQ ribs, a side of fries, and Spotted Cow on tap (I haven’t had beer in a while). I was very thankful that Josh decided to do this with us; the beginning and end of this past week exploded, and I’ve been getting scared and anxious about a lot of things; it was a nice break from that.
Afterwards, we did decide on watching the new MLP episode, but Ben asked me if I wanted to go on a cruise with him, and I accepted the offer. All of this was spontaneous too. We stopped at a gas station because he needed gas and smokes, so I ended up getting a cigarillo since I’m out of little cigars by this point. It was a nice night for just crusin’ around and smoking.
When Ben and I got back to campus, coincidentally, we ended up watching the newest MLP episode. All I’ll say is that it was kinda weird, but that was because it took place in several(?) dreams.
After this, I headed back to my room because the moose man, Pordz, wanted to Skype me around this time. So that’s what I did for the rest of the evening. I must say, it’s pretty interesting to hear someone for the first time that you’ve only interacted with online via messaging; in some ways, it changes your perception of who they are a little. Before, I only knew his name, he’s a moose with a green mohawk, he’s Canadian, and he’s about as much of a goofball as I am. This perception…honestly hasn’t changed, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.