Today and Sunday, I had this heavy weight of depression that suddenly came out of nowhere regarding my insecurity. Naturally, I started thinking about everything else and started feeling very lonely and just wanted to end it all, however I have noticed I’ve been feeling a little bit lonely in general for a while now.
While talking with Pordz tonight about this, and other things, he asked if there are any counseling services at my college; if so, I should go see them. There are, they’re free to students, and I plan on scheduling an appointment tomorrow after my Diversity lab.
After considering this, I realize that I should now focus on the psychological aspect on questioning my orientation. I was thinking back to what Kathy said previously with going about reaching a conclusion with this; this is what I believe to have a solid response to so far:
- I would be ok with being with either a woman or a man, so long as we are compatible with each other. Also, I don’t have any intentions of having kids; I would be ok with it being just me and my significant other.
- I understand that, if I were to be with a man, it’s a sin according to God’s Word. I also understand that He will still love me and my potential boyfriend for who we are, so long as we both understand the forgiveness brought by Jesus and the central truth of the Gospel.
- I don’t care to much for politics, but I do understand that gay marriage isn’t legal in all states nor will all churches be willing to wed gay couples.
- I don’t care what society thinks or says to begin with nor do I like PDA in general, but I will make sure me and my SO aren’t doing that too much if at all. We can be all over each other in our own privacy. If my SO were to be a man, I know some businesses won’t serve gay couples; ok, we’ll take our business someplace else then.
Family response is something I’ll focus on last, but I know some of that is connected with the psychological aspect.
After going through these spurts of depression and thinking back on them, I realize that the psychological aspect is connected with other issues that aren’t necessarily related to my orientation (in my opinion), such as worrying about my mom and my grandma. This is the main reason why I’m going to start seeing a counselor until, possibly, the end of the semester.