I recently randomly started looking through some of my old notebooks, usually kept as journals or poetry notebooks, when I came across this entry from almost three years ago: Continue reading
Monthly Archives: May 2015
Surprisingly, my interview this morning went quite short; the hiring manager barely asked me questions I would normally hear at an interview. However, he did seem to be willing to give me a chance, that is if he’ll have to let go someone else first. Also, the location where I will be working at, should I get the job, is not in town; it’s actually in another town next to where I live, though still fairly close (not enough for bike-riding distance though). So, I guess I’ll have to see what I can work out with my grandma to take me there.
Since a lot probably won’t happen this summer, I’m thinking of doing some sort of 30-day challenge, specifically journal-related. I did one similar before, when I first started on WordPress and didn’t exactly know what I was doing, so I’ll have to dig that list up again and see if my views have changed or not. I think it’d be pretty interesting and would give me something to think about, other than current anxieties and whatnot.
EDIT: I have decided to not do a 30 day challenge. Lately…I haven’t been feeling the greatest, and there’s a lot of things on my mind right now.
Oh and here are some pics I took on my walk this afternoon:
Not much has happened lately, aside from a few things. In general, I have no idea what’s going to happen this summer, but I’m sure there will be a lot of change, though I don’t know where or how it’ll happen. Continue reading
This summer, I’m going to give freelance writing another shot, though I’m don’t know if I want to promote my gigs here. Essentially, this blog is a personal journal of sorts and not a means to conduct business.
I’m doing this freelance things through a site called fiverr, and I’ve managed to get a couple gig requests from there, after promoting them of course.
I know there are some of you out there who follow and read my blog, and might be willing to let me write or edit something for you. So my question is, should I toss up my gigs somewhere on my blog?
Already I’m in the third day of my summer break until the Fall semester, and it’s quite nice not to have to worry about classes and whatnot for a few months. I want to strive to work on my writing and read more this summer, since I’ll have the time, and hopefully not be a useless potato all summer and do next to nothing with myself. Continue reading
Finals week started yesterday, as well as my final for Diversity of Life. All in all, I think I just did…ok; I don’t think my grade will really change much, if at all, and it’s at a C right now. I know for sure I did well in my other two classes at least.
Not much happened today since I only had my shortest shift and no final; however, this afternoon, I went to a small graduation party for one of my friends. It wasn’t super big, just me and a few other friends pretty much hung out in the basement of one of the resident halls and played a couple board games (well technically card games since we played Fluxx and Chrononauts). My friend who was graduating doesn’t know a lot of people and is pretty introverted and not all that social; but I don’t consider that a bad thing since I’m the same way. Continue reading
So I’ve been thinking about my crush (when do I not think about him) again and I noticed that he’s not creeped out or anything about the fact I have a crush on him; I tend to make it pretty obvious and wear my heart on my sleeve, regardless if I’m around him or if we’re around others that know both of us. I mean, I told a friend of ours that I had a crush on Ben, and he noticed something between us, probably how I acted around Ben, and…thought we’d make a great couple…
Anyway, I don’t know if the fact that Ben isn’t creeped out by me having feelings for him means anything or not. It could just mean that he’s not someone who lets things bother him easily and probably doesn’t see this as a big deal. On the other hand, he might be OK with this because…maybe he has feelings for me too. I don’t know, and I don’t really want to ask (even though I really want to) because I don’t want to pry too much and I don’t want to ruin yet another friendship because I have a crush on said friend. Still, maybe this is something I should ask him, I mean, he considers me a brother, so that’s something.
He’s a pretty amazing guy, though.
Well, the first day for quite some time where I won’t know what to do with myself now that the semester’s pretty much done with; all I have left are a couple finals. It was a pretty lazy day today, but not that lazy.
I hung out with Ben for a bit today early afternoon and had brunch, though there was something I wanted to ask him that got me worried for, honestly, no reason in particular. I asked him if I creeped him out, for a few reasons:
- Some of my actions I tend to do around him
- The random crap I say
- The fact that I still have a pretty hard crush on him
I know it was kind of a dumb thing to ask, I was just worried that I’ll ruin another friendship because I have a crush on them. But, he told me I didn’t, just that I annoy him the same way his brothers do to him. In fact…I think he even considers me a brother, and at least he knows what it’s like to have brothers. Also, I’m apparently the only one who wants to hang out with him the most, even though he knows a ton of people. With all this in mind, I think our friendship’s gonna get interesting.
After spending some time with Ben, I pretty much just bummed around outside for the rest of the afternoon. Honestly, at this point, I don’t have anything else better to do, and I didn’t want to be sitting in my room all day (it was really nice out).
Later this evening, I hung out with Joe for a bit. I figured Ben was going to be busy anyway, and I figured all my other friends were busy all day as well, especially with graduation happening today. I decided to work on this post and a bit of my other writing.
I went to see the counselor again this morning, this time about why I initially wanted to see one: anxiety and insecurities regarding me being unable to find someone. In general, it basically boils down to boosting my self-confidence about who I am. Right now, I’m pretty happy with where I’m at and where I’m going academic and career wise, but I’ve never been truly happy with myself and who I am. I tend to let the negative aspects and self-perceptions of myself take over and, of course, prevent me from seeing the good in myself.
This is partially why I plan to go to a couple fur bowl meetups this summer, and one of the reasons why I went to Fur Squared; hopefully they can help me be less anxious in social situations and not worry about giving a “performance” when I’m surrounded by strangers in a different environment. I mean, what better place to put myself in that has two things I love: furries and bowing? Not to mention that it’ll be awkward as hell being surrounded by weirdos in fursuits.
Supposedly there will be a bowling meetup the weekend after Finals Week, but I’m sure there’ll be plenty more in the future.
Luckily I was pretty productive today considering the funk I’ve been in lately; at least it helped stave off my anxiety for a while. With it being the last couple weeks of the semester, and that I’m in classes for an English major, I have a couple projects that I managed to make some progress on. Continue reading