I can’t remember the last time I posted something on this blog…that or I simply didn’t bother to check, but I feel I should say something about what’s been happening with me, even though it may not be much.
Lately, I’ve been feeling really shitty about my current situation regarding my mom and home life. I’ve already bitched about this enough, so I’ll try to keep it short. Basically, I’m sick of living with her. I’m sick of her complaining about whatever job she’s currently holding, even after not having a permanent, full-time job for years, and I’m sick of her holding grudges against others, be it family, my friends, or people that we most likely will never see again. Her current and past job situation is something I know I can’t do anything about; simply put, she keeps getting let go for no legitimate reason, and that’s something out of my control. We’ve moved four times already, and she’s thinking about making a fifth move…I’m so, so sick of having to move when nothing goes right for her. This is, and probably will be, the main reason I will continue to go to college: to give myself a shot at a better life for myself, because I don’t see this situation improving anytime soon, if at all.
A couple days ago, because of constantly thinking about this the entire day, I ended up having a panic attack of sorts and…seriously considered suicide. I ended up bitching and moping about this on my tumblr, which I’ve since then deleted, as I was experiencing it. Lo and behold, my friend Josh just so happened to see that as he was about to delete his tumblr, and then he called me. We talked about it for about 45 min., which helped a lot, but I’m still so confused, lost, and scared about all this and what to do to get out of this environment. At least college will help me get away from this place for a few months; hopefully I’ll have a place of my own then…maybe.
So yeah…that’s about it. Otherwise, I’ve just been working my job during the week, writing whenever I can/have the energy to do so (which I still kick myself for not doing often), and hanging out with friends as much as I can.