This article contains topics of adult material. If you don’t like reading about such things, simply don’t read this post.
Almost a year ago, or even more than that, there was a moment where I started to question my sexual orientation. I explained it in detail here, even though it occurred five months prior to that post. Since then, I would say a lot has happened, especially within the last month or so. I’ve noticed a few things about myself that many will probably not like too much and have changed me quite a lot; most notably being part of the furry fandom and pornography.
I already talked about going to my first furry convention and general thoughts on being a furry after being part of this for a few months (though that’s more on the creative side of things). This past summer was difficult to meet up with other furs in my area because 1) I don’t have a car and 2) I haven’t told my mom about this other than “Me and Ben went to a furry convention on ___ weekend.” Plus there’s the fact I’m not the most social person to begin with and I’m quite shy around new people.
After being back at college for a while, I started getting a little lonely, even though I have a crush on Ben. By this point, I’m giving up on trying to be with him; he’s shown no romantic interest towards me and no sign of him questioning his orientation. So I decided to give online dating a try.
Now, I am aware that online dating can get sketchy and possibly a rip-off, especially for furry dating sites. However, there’s a free site called pounced.org where you don’t have to pay to send/receive messages on the site. I created an account, shared a little bit about myself, gave my Twitter and Skype contacts, then waited. A month later, I’ve now met five furs total, three of which in WI; however, I’ve only semi-regularly talked with two of them. Let’s just say, some of the conversations I’ve had had been confusing and/or awkward, and makes meeting random people online quite an adventure.
Aside from this, I’ve been trying to get connected with furs I already knew from Twitter. Like with any online communication, it’s been hit-and-miss often, but I can get a response fairly easily. I have expressed my sexual orientation concerns to some of them, and most say “Do what you want to do,” though some have legit helped me a little aside from that. Not much to say on this one, but it’s nice to just get to know other furs, whether they live in my area/state or not. Who knows? Maybe I might seem them IRL at a con one day.
…About all that porn I’ve looked at over the years…it’s definitely influenced me on who I find attractive. Yes, I still like titties and pussies and girls in general, but I noticed I have more of an affinity for men, mostly the beefy, chubby, hairy types. Getting a little hot just thinking about this…damn.
Anyway, aside from physical attraction, I’ve also noticed I feel more comfortable around men than I do women, at least those I don’t know. And I’m not saying I’m comfortable in terms of being the same gender and that’s that, no I mean…really comfortable. Depending on the type of person they are, and how well I know them, I just want to hug them or cuddle them. I don’t know what it is exactly, but guys can be so cute sometimes and could care about you just as much as girls.
I will admit, and I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before on here, but my first dabbles of porn were gay porn. Not steamy, passionate guy on girl or lesbian sex, but passionate, raw guy on guy sex. Yep, I kid you not. This eventually transferred into looking at furry porn, which I admit is much more interesting most of the time. And, yet again, I’ve noticed I enjoy mostly gay porn or pinups of cute hunks over straight porn or pinups of cute girls. I’ve also noticed I have a few kinks and fetishes, though that’s a discussion for another day, or maybe never.
With that said, I think it’s safe to say that I could consider myself bi-curious, or even fully bisexual. Hell, I’m curious to see what it’s like to be a sub rather than a dom in a gay relationship, or just a gay fling.
This will definitely make my life different, that’s for sure. Only time will tell if this will positively or negatively affect my life, or not affect my life at all.