Yes, you’ve read that right. Yes, it’s not December yet. Yes, I’m calling it early. After last weekend (as of writing this) I realized a new chapter in my life is about to begin, and it’s a big change that’s overall positive. Continue reading
Posts Tagged With: bisexual
So…as of that date on the top, I now have a boyfriend. Yes, this is true; this isn’t me trying to make my negativity humorous again; it’s real this time. There’s so much happiness inside me right now that I’ve teared up a few times over the course of last night and this morning as I write this. Yet, I’m still trying to process this new chapter in my life. The hardest part for me is trying not to worry a lot about what will happen in the future, and I can think of a few worries already.
I won’t be showing his name just yet, but at the very least I’ll share that I have a boyfriend. The exceptions are Facebook and Real Life. With this being a same-sex relationship and the fact my family’s pretty conservative, I don’t think I’m ready to come out to them right now. Things are also a bit complicated on his end regarding this as well; but I know we’ll get through this, because I’m a tiger and he’s a wolf! (He’s also super cute and dorky and I love him!)
I’m honestly surprised I’m not gushing about this as much as I thought I would. Maybe it’s because I’ve been trying to be happy single and not allow these kinds of feelings to consume me; now I’m ever so slowly letting these emotions out, just because I’m so happy right now. God I hope I don’t end up crying or something during class.
This article contains topics of adult material. If you don’t like reading about such things, simply don’t read this post.
You find out a lot about someone when you get a chance to have a long, random conversation with them. No matter what it was initially about, there’s always that tendency for both of you to bounce from topic to topic, sometimes circling back. I just had one of those right about now, and it’s roughly 1:20 in the morning CST as of initially writing this. I’m also writing this while laying in bed because I didn’t want to have the desk light on while Ben is sleeping. (Though he can probably hear me clack away at my keyboard, hehe). Continue reading
Today, my mom and I went down to Sycamore, IL to visit my dad’s grave (I have today off due to the 4th); he would be gone for 19 years as of July 6. I asked my mom if I could spend some time alone with him and told her to leave for a while until I’m done. Basically what I did was “talk” with him about what I’ve been (and still am) struggling with: pornography, smoking, questioning my orientation, afraid of not finding someone to share my life with, afraid of what will happen to my mom, and afraid of what my mom will think of/do to me if she were to find out/if I tell her that I might be bisexual. Obviously, I would have no idea what he would think of me with how I’ve turned out so far and what I’ve been struggling with. In the end, I guess it was good to tell him and get it off my chest, even if he’s been gone for a long time.
After Sycamore, my mom and I stopped in Rockford for lunch at a Chinese restaurant we used to order from when we lived there. We then stopped by a strip mall where she went to a Christian book store and I went to this used media store called Disc Replay. It’s a good-sized place with lots of DVDs, Blue Rays, Videogames, CDs, a few gaming systems, and some graphic novels and manga. Even though there was a lot of stuff to look through, I usually would just brows the CDs to see if I could get some albums really cheap (around $3). I ended up getting P.O.D.’s Satellite and Rush’s Roll the Bones. I haven’t listened to them all the way through yet, but I definitely will eventually.
Other than that, that was about it. Right now I’m laying on my bed pounding this out quick, and probably even get some writing done and add to a few stories I’ve already written. Haven’t done that in a while.
Like I stated in my last post, here’s a large update on what’s been going on with me lately. Continue reading
So I’ve been thinking about my crush (when do I not think about him) again and I noticed that he’s not creeped out or anything about the fact I have a crush on him; I tend to make it pretty obvious and wear my heart on my sleeve, regardless if I’m around him or if we’re around others that know both of us. I mean, I told a friend of ours that I had a crush on Ben, and he noticed something between us, probably how I acted around Ben, and…thought we’d make a great couple…
Anyway, I don’t know if the fact that Ben isn’t creeped out by me having feelings for him means anything or not. It could just mean that he’s not someone who lets things bother him easily and probably doesn’t see this as a big deal. On the other hand, he might be OK with this because…maybe he has feelings for me too. I don’t know, and I don’t really want to ask (even though I really want to) because I don’t want to pry too much and I don’t want to ruin yet another friendship because I have a crush on said friend. Still, maybe this is something I should ask him, I mean, he considers me a brother, so that’s something.
He’s a pretty amazing guy, though.
This hasn’t been the greatest week for me, and you might guess why if you’ve looked at the tags and other reasons. But that’s not to say there hasn’t been some high points as well. Continue reading
So…I have been debating for a while whether or not I should talk about what’s been stirring inside my head for the past five months here. I know I’ve said in my first post and on the “About” page that I want to post whatever I want on this blog because I want to, and it would be for, primarily, me only. However, I’m also aware that anyone can read my blog since I both made it public and have allowed search engines to index it. Still, I want this to be another place for me to be open about whatever.
There’s only one other place where I’ve talked about this online, and that’s on my Tumblr (which I won’t link to). On there, I have about five people I know IRL who follow me, two of which I’ve discussed this with IRL; the other three more than likely found out by just following me.
You may have an idea of what I’m about to talk about, you may not have a clue and are thoroughly confused. Either way, if you’re curious, read on. Continue reading