Posts Tagged With: questioning

Been Thinking About My Orientation Lately

This article contains topics of adult material. If you don’t like reading about such things, simply don’t read this post.

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An Odd Conversation

You find out a lot about someone when you get a chance to have a long, random conversation with them. No matter what it was initially about, there’s always that tendency for both of you to bounce from topic to topic, sometimes circling back. I just had one of those right about now, and it’s roughly 1:20 in the morning CST as of initially writing this. I’m also writing this while laying in bed because I didn’t want to have the desk light on while Ben is sleeping. (Though he can probably hear me clack away at my keyboard, hehe). Continue reading

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July 3, 2015

Today, my mom and I went down to Sycamore, IL to visit my dad’s grave (I have today off due to the 4th); he would be gone for 19 years as of July 6. I asked my mom if I could spend some time alone with him and told her to leave for a while until I’m done. Basically what I did was “talk” with him about what I’ve been (and still am) struggling with: pornography, smoking, questioning my orientation, afraid of not finding someone to share my life with, afraid of what will happen to my mom, and afraid of what my mom will think of/do to me if she were to find out/if I tell her that I might be bisexual. Obviously, I would have no idea what he would think of me with how I’ve turned out so far and what I’ve been struggling with. In the end, I guess it was good to tell him and get it off my chest, even if he’s been gone for a long time.

After Sycamore, my mom and I stopped in Rockford for lunch at a Chinese restaurant we used to order from when we lived there. We then stopped by a strip mall where she went to a Christian book store and I went to this used media store called Disc Replay. It’s a good-sized place with lots of DVDs, Blue Rays, Videogames, CDs, a few gaming systems, and some graphic novels and manga. Even though there was a lot of stuff to look through, I usually would just brows the CDs to see if I could get some albums really cheap (around $3). I ended up getting P.O.D.’s Satellite and Rush’s Roll the Bones. I haven’t listened to them all the way through yet, but I definitely will eventually.

Other than that, that was about it. Right now I’m laying on my bed pounding this out quick, and probably even get some writing done and add to a few stories I’ve already written. Haven’t done that in a while.

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July 1, 2015

Like I stated in my last post, here’s a large update on what’s been going on with me lately. Continue reading

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May 3, 2015

This has been kind of an odd week for me, but some pretty neat stuff still happened. Check it all out below.

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Going to Start Seeing a Counselor

Today and Sunday, I had this heavy weight of depression that suddenly came out of nowhere regarding my insecurity. Naturally, I started thinking about everything else and started feeling very lonely and just wanted to end it all, however I have noticed I’ve been feeling a little bit lonely in general for a while now. Continue reading

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April 19, 2015

This hasn’t been the greatest week for me, and you might guess why if you’ve looked at the tags and other reasons. But that’s not to say there hasn’t been some high points as well. Continue reading

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April 12, 2015

Let’s just say, it has been an interesting week where quite a lot of stuff happened. Continue reading

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Possibly One of the Most Important Decisions I’ll Have to Make

So…I have been debating for a while whether or not I should talk about what’s been stirring inside my head for the past five months here. I know I’ve said in my first post and on the “About” page that I want to post whatever I want on this blog because I want to, and it would be for, primarily, me only. However, I’m also aware that anyone can read my blog since I both made it public and have allowed search engines to index it. Still, I want this to be another place for me to be open about whatever.

There’s only one other place where I’ve talked about this online, and that’s on my Tumblr (which I won’t link to). On there, I have about five people I know IRL who follow me, two of which I’ve discussed this with IRL; the other three more than likely found out by just following me.

You may have an idea of what I’m about to talk about, you may not have a clue and are thoroughly confused. Either way, if you’re curious, read on. Continue reading

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